“Like” me, in real life.

I often find myself in a quandary. It has become painfully clear, that I equally loathe, and admire social media. On the one hand, there are endless flecks of fact and fiction to comb through on any given day. On the other, we can so easily be lost in a sea of hatred, and sorrow. However, the single-most aspect of social media, that shakes me to my core, is the decline of true, person-to-person contact. By phone. Handwritten notes, or letters. But, especially, face-to-face.

I get it. When family members live in different cities, states, or even other countries, it can be a bit complicated to visit on a regular basis. So, the idea of having social media to connect, and using video apps from our devices, may be the only way to attend a birth, or perhaps a wedding, from afar. What I don’t get, is having the phone numbers of your relatives, and instead of calling, or texting for that matter, you use social media to announce the death of a family member. Your wedding. Happy Birthday, or Anniversary wishes, etc, etc, etc. Sure, sometimes relationships are strained, and you may not have a close bond with some people, so they find out key moments of your life, when they do. No. I’m speaking of those we say we’ll keep in contact with. Those we’ve let too much time pass without checking in with. It seems that social media posts have taken the place of good old fashioned courtesy. I’ll just send you a “HBD” sticker on the book, as opposed to taking a few minutes in the greeting card aisle, to find the perfect sentiment to celebrate your day. Or, instead of sitting down with you, and discussing our differences, I’ll just unfriend and block you. What did we ever do before social media took over our lives?

I admit. I was one to post my lunch, or my “walking to the park” status, or “hello” greetings all random like. It was fun. “Everybody” was doing it, but, I still enjoyed real life interactions most of all. I remember just 17 years ago, talking to a friend, on the phone, out-of-state, for hours. This was before smart phones and selfies. Before cell-phones were in almost every hand, purse, or pocket. Now, we ignore calls, and send canned text messages, stating we “will call later”. But, never do. Then, when we look up to find our relationships fading to black, we remark about how, “the phone works both ways”. True. It does. But, when was the last time you picked up your phone to see if it worked? Are we really a world of people who think it acceptable to keep tabs on who called or texted last? Is there a magic number that determines whose turn it is to keep the relationship going? At what point do we get the clearance to disengage, due to lack of participation? Or… Could it be, that we don’t value everyone the same? Consciously deciding which family member, or friend gets an actual conversation, versus a canned text? Perhaps this is a passive aggressive way to weed out those deemed less important, on our to-do lists.

At the end of the day, it takes two people to make a relationship work and last. It is always my intention to cultivate harmony with those I love. Family or friend. I realize that we are all adults. Living adult lives. With adult responsibilities. It is not always easy to call everyone everyday. Certainly in situations where we find ourselves rekindling a past relationship, or meeting someone new. However, we have to take ownership of our role in the communication, or lack thereof. It could be, that, my sensitive nature, offers a narrative not many other people can understand. Maybe you’re someone who relishes “HBD”s, dotting your page. I, on the other hand, miss the days of sharing my time with another. Back in the olden days when we had planners, and we wrote our cousin’s birth date on the actual calendar, and called her to say, “hey, just thinking of you. Happy Birthday”. When we did things on purpose, and for a purpose, not just blindly typing something really quick, at 11:59 PM because the book sent you a notification, (and you swore you wouldn’t forget this year), that it was your so-and-so’s 30th anniversary, or you saw your brother’s latest adventure for his 40th birthday, pop up in stories. Or, you don’t actually care, but, it looks good to send something, even if it’s through social media, because that’s easier than picking up the phone to call, or text. Because hey, at least you acknowledged it, right?

I’ve had extensive conversations about this topic, with a few different people. I don’t know that anyone actually thinks about it as often as I do. Nevertheless, it is quite concerning for me. YES. I can sense that my opinion leans toward the generalization of an entire population. However, it is my understanding that we as people, will give attention and effort to what pleases us. We prioritize what we deem important. And if making time to engage in meaningful conversation is far more taxing, than typing a quick blurb, or reacting with a thumbs up, heart, laughing face, angry face, or teary-eyed cartoon character, then that’s just what it is. I’m realizing more and more, that we can’t expect behaviors from people, that are counter to who they are. Also, there happens to be a group of people who don’t want to be participatory in your life, for one reason or another. But, instead, choose to stalk you, and keep tabs on all your goings on, without having to contribute in a meaningful way. To those people, I would say, you don’t get to be a part of my life; if you’re not a part of my life.

Yea, it’s nice to feel like people care, and maybe the 21 seconds it took them to post to your wall, was all the time they could muster. Though… I’d suspect, there are those who feel similar to how I feel…

That’s cool and all. But, it’d be nice if you could just Like me, in real life. After all, I don’t really want to have to log in to a social media account to get my roses.