In Black & White

It’s been almost 8 weeks since the election. I’ve wanted to write this post since that time. It wasn’t so much about who won or who lost, it was more about the tension so many of us were facing and/or feeling in the days and weeks that followed. I wasn’t always clear on what direction I would go in, as I don’t particularly like talking politics. What brought me to this moment, is a question I received in my Facebook inbox. Just two days after the election, I opened a message, and the first thing I read was, “How are you doing?” To put these four words into perspective, I must share the fact that this woman is someone I care for, someone I’ve known less than 2 years, someone who gets me, and accepts me flaws and all, and she just happens to be white. Immediately I KNOW exactly what she is referring to. At the same time, I notice just how disconnected I am from reality. In the moment I received her message, the husband and I, were on the road headed to Idaho to visit our daughter and son-in-law. Not only was I not thinking about how I was doing, but once the question had been asked, I didn’t know how I would respond. It had only been 2 days since the election, and the results were in, but being questioned, and it seemed as if the whole country was on edge. I had been seeing so many horror stories about racism and violence and unrest, I just didn’t want to think about any of it anymore. I responded that I would text her the next day. One, this gave me time to think of a response, and two, I was able to have time to focus on the road trip. The next day, I managed to gather my thoughts, and try to put into words what made little sense to me, at the time. I mentioned how happy I was on that particular day, but how much turmoil I had been in, just the day before. I spoke of the hate and bigotry I had been reading and hearing about, and how I always knew there was hate, but felt it to be hidden, to a certain extent. I shared that I have become hyper aware of my blackness, and how I even questioned some of the relationships I have. I mostly had a lot of fragmented thoughts, not really quite grasping all of my feelings. She responded with several anecdotes, and that was about the end of it. Something she left me with, though, was a bit of a call to action. She asked if I could write about it, once I had my thoughts sorted out. What I love about this woman more than her accepting me for who I am, is her gently encouraging me to do what I am called to do.

So, for the next 7 weeks or so, I kept it in the back of my mind, that I need to gather my thoughts and try to put it all into a somewhat structured medium. My views of what happened November 8, 2016, have changed and evolved more than I could have imagined. I wanted to be, and I was, somewhat angry about the outcome, for a spell. But, I feel deep down, I was more in shock than anything else. But, not really shock either. As, I somehow knew the election would end the way it did, once the candidates were originally selected. What created this flood of emotions, was not so much the election itself, but the human response to the election. I was saddened by the many people I saw spewing hate, in regards to which candidate others were voting for. I could be wrong, but I believe we have a right to vote whatever way we choose. With that being said, what we should not have the right to do, is bash others for their choices. I can understand that not every voter agreed/agrees 100% with their candidate of choice. But, that doesn’t change the fact that people are just downright mean at times. Election season is when there appears to be no holds barred. I don’t know that I will ever understand how people consider themselves Christian, call themselves your friend, yet feel they have the right to speak words of hate toward you, because you choose to vote differently. I wasn’t attacked personally, as I do not feel the need to share my political preferences, simply because there is an option to. I don’t actually care who voted for which, as I don’t believe every person can be judged based on a political view. I don’t believe every voter for the president-elect is necessarily racist, anymore than I believe those who voted for the other candidate, all believe in abortions. One of the great things about being individuals, is simply the fact that we are individuals. We can come to our own conclusions.

While in Idaho, I became aware of my own insecurities and misguided thoughts about race relations in America. I went into that state fully expecting one thing, and left with something completely different. While watching the election results roll in, I noticed that Idaho is considered a Red State, where as California is considered a Blue State.  This shouldn’t mean much, in most cases, but as we’ve learned this year, the media can paint a picture of something, and have you questioning reality.  I don’t know if I was expecting to cross into Idaho and see a parade of white folks hoisting signs that read “no niggers allowed”, or what, but we were met with nothing but smiles and warm welcomes. There was a bit of chatter about ladies driving around with “Blue Girl Red State” stickers on their cars, and I remember my daughter commenting that she was a “Black Girl in a Red State”, and I felt a deep sense of clarity. It’s a cliche to want everyone to just get along. However, that is still something I would love to see happen in my lifetime. We were experiencing such a beautiful display of hospitality, that it made me sad when I realized how self-centered some people are, back in California, keeping in mind that it is a Blue State. That’s when I started to realize, people are just people. Rude. Racist. Self-centered. Courteous. Non-racist. Selfless. This has nothing to do with a color label on any particular state or region. We don’t need a presidential candidate to dictate our personalities or behaviors. We can’t blame politicians for everything. While it may be possible to draw a correlation between certain candidates and their supporters, it is, in my opinion, a stretch to believe these supporters suddenly became, or began to show racist qualities once their candidate came on the scene. No, we have always been who we are. None of us are exempt from racist thoughts. How we choose to deal with those thoughts is what either extinguishes, or fans the flames of racism.

It’s often hard to know where the line between racism and just being plain rude, is drawn. As a person of color, as nowadays, I’m not completely certain of the proper term to use in this instance, and I realize some will be offended by my choice of words, but no matter, it gets to be a bit tricky trying to figure out if someone dislikes you for your skin tone, or simply because you are in their perceived, personal space. Sometimes you just know, beyond a shadow of doubt. Other times, the behavior is subtle enough that you may not catch it the first time. There are genuine white people, as the woman I referenced above, who truly want to understand what our plight entails. There are white people who truly don’t see what all the fuss is about. And, there are white people who just don’t give a care. On the flip side, there are black?/African American people who want to get along with white people, and have white friends. There are black?/African American people who want to understand what the issues are truly about. And, there are black?/African American people who don’t give a care. We have to decide and admit, where we fall along the spectrum. There are gray areas on both sides, so depending on the day, our perspectives can change. But, it is unfair to put each other in a box based on political votes. At the end of the day, our political views make up only a fraction of who we are as people. I don’t want to have to continue to tiptoe around town, wondering if I’m being treated disrespectfully because I’m not white, or because you have a black heart.

As 2016 comes to a close, I can’t even begin to imagine what this next year will bring. We, as a human race, have a lot more questions than answers. We must take responsibility for our own actions and stop trying to blame them on others. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to stand up for your beliefs, but don’t tear someone else down in the process. Learn to accept the fact that not everyone will value your opinions. Make an effort to have genuine conversations with people who are from a different culture/race/ethnicity. Make an effort to be a better person, as a general rule. This year has been full of low points for so many people across the world. When it seemed it couldn’t get any worse, we were always met with a new level of low. 2016 will certainly be remembered as one of the worst years for so many. Let’s not carry the same dysfunction and despair into 2017. Won’t you join me in trying to make next year, everything this year wasn’t?

Happy New Year