I am a People Watcher. More often than not, it’s more or less, just my natural inclination to check out what’s going on in my surroundings. I am genuinely fascinated by people, and how they behave. What they are thinking at any given moment. What makes ’em tick.
For the most part, I will watch a scenario unfold, and mentally fill in the unknown spaces, with a funny conclusion, or precursor. Not a day goes by, that I don’t have the urge to walk up to someone, and ask a few questions about one thing or another. However, since we live on planet earth, and it’s apparently quite complicated to live in community with our fellow humans, I figure it wise to stick to my own imaginings. One recent situation, left me unable to stifle my curiosity. I gave in to the urge to know, and I was pleasantly surprised.
I had just dropped my daughter off at work, when I decided to stop at the grocery store around the corner, before I headed to work. It was a fairly chilly day, so I quick-stepped my way to the entrance. The parking lot is a decent sized lot, so, not surprisingly, I had to park some distance away. As I made my way to the crosswalk, looked both ways, and literally stepped into the slanted white zone, a car, moving at an appropriate pace, speeds up, (well, the car didn’t, the driver did), and barrels through. Lucky for me, this happens often enough, that I am well aware of how I need to stay ready. Anyway, I look both ways, again, and proceed to cross, all the while wondering… is it because I’m black? The driver was not. Is it because I’m female? The driver was not. Ah, perhaps it’s because I’m human? Maybe the driver was not? Either way, I was just disappointed in the lack of courtesy. But then again, I’m new to Washington, so maybe pedestrians who are in the crosswalk first, don’t have the right of way? I digress…
I go inside, grab a quick bite, and a beverage to wash it down. I decide to sit in the parking lot and eat. While munching on my potato wedges, and sipping my fruit-flavored lemonade, I look up to see a man walking toward the store. He had a bottle of water in his hand, was putting a cigarette in his mouth, and held something else I couldn’t quite make out. He casually walked by, then came to an abrupt stop, as if someone called his name. He looked to his right. So, I looked to my right. I saw another man, get out of his car, and walk toward the first man. (To make this chain of events flow easier, let me just say… The first man is “black”, the other appears to be Caucasian.) The “black” man proceeds to reach in his pocket, and pull out a pack of cigarettes. He gingerly removes one from the box, hands it to the Caucasian man, and continues to casually walk away. The Caucasian man returns to his car, and appears to be looking for something. I can only assume it’s a fire source, as he exits the car again, and began patting himself down, while the cigarette dangled between his lips. I don’t recall him being successful, but I do recall being struck by the whole scene. I immediately wondered if these two men knew each. Or, which felt more likely, they were just two strangers, connected by an unspoken smokers’ code. I pondered. After approximately the 30 seconds or so it took for the Caucasian man to return to his car, I had made up in my mind, that I must ask. I exited my car. All the while wondering how this would play out. I didn’t sense any danger in my gut, so I sort of felt confident enough to give it a go. Worse case, he would just look at me like I was crazy, and tell me to back off. Maybe. I paused about five feet from his car. I looked at the ground, as if I had dropped something, trying to will myself to move. Just as I mustered the courage to continue, I see the “black” man coming back in my direction. Relief. Even though approaching strange men under any circumstance is questionable, I felt a bit more at ease approaching him. I mean. Well…
I cautiously approached, and said, “Excuse me, Sir”. He looked a bit bewildered, not quite sure if I was speaking to him. I repeated my words softly; yet assuredly. He responded, “Yes?” Okay, no turning back, now. I reply, “May I ask you a question?” He replied, “Yes.”
This began the start of a maybe 7 minute conversation. I asked if he knew that man. He said, “No.” Turns out, he just wanted to be nice to someone. His name is Jake. He is from West Africa, where he lost many friends and family to war. He is alone here in the US, and has been here in Washington for 6 years. He’s an Uber driver, and is grateful for everything he has, as he grew up poor. So, for him, sharing a cigarette was no big deal. He just wanted to be kind, as he’s received so much kindness since he has been here. I thanked him for sharing his story. He was curious as to why I stopped and asked the question. I told him I’m a writer, and I was in awe of his gesture. I just had to know what I was missing. We began to part ways, and he paused. He said, ” When you asked me if I knew that man, I thought you were a police and you were asking if I asked him his age.” I chuckled. He giggled nervously, as though he still wasn’t quite sure. I tried to reassure him. We nodded, and continued about our day.
I quickly returned to my car. Mostly to warm up. But, even more so, to marvel at the experience I had just been a part of. When I think of people who come to this country, willingly, and how untainted their views seem to be, it’s amazing. He had such a sad story to share, yet, he was filled with so much hope as he spoke. Appearing to require only what he needs to get by, and volitionally giving the rest away. Two strangers bonding over cigarettes. No entitlement. No hierarchy. No malice. Just common ground. Meanwhile, I can’t even make it through the crosswalk without the risk of being featured on the 6 o’clock news. All because some guy decides to drive through the parking lot at breakneck speed, just so he doesn’t have to stop for some reason or another. Why is it so hard to be kind? Is it really necessary to be so full of whatever causes us to be mean-spirited? What happened to treating people the way we want to be treated? How do we successfully traverse the minefields of self aggrandizing behaviors, which cause us to disregard those around us? Is our world really this shallow, or do I have to accept the fact that we are only six degrees separated, from crosswalks and cigarettes?
apeaceofmine 