7 things I would tell my younger self about being a mother

I remember my very first Mother’s Day. My (then) boyfriend, (now) husband, presented me with a necklace and pendant. #1 Mom. His mother gave me a half slip. Both gifts meant so much. I remember how nervous I felt. But at the same time giddy. Like somehow, just maybe, I belonged to a special club. I was so full of wonder all those years ago. I had no clue what time would reveal. It has been 3 more children and 26 years since then. Mother’s Day has a different meaning these days. I now have a greater appreciation for what it means to be a mother. But, if I could visit with my younger self, I would give me a few nuggets to hold on to. In no particular order.

One: Don’t be so serious. I realize, one of my greatest joys in life, is laughter. I have discovered that we are a bunch of silly, crazy humans. We laugh at the most awkward times. Often, when we shouldn’t. It just happens. Out of no where. But, somehow, I think I was a tad bit uptight back then. Maybe I didn’t know it was ok to relax. Laugh. Be silly. Maybe I just needed someone to say it was ok to let my guard down. Who knows…

Two: Take time for you. One of the best things I could have done for my children, was to take time for myself. An hour to read a book. A soak in the tub. A nap. Usually when the kids went down for a nap, I would use that time to clean or prep the next snack or meal. Time management is highly important. But, every now and then, a break can clear your mind.

Three: Don’t treat them all equally. Sure, we have been taught that equal means every one feels loved. Gets enough. No one will feel left out. I believe the opposite to be true. No matter how I tried to divide things equally among them, I have heard four different versions of how life was, growing up in the same house with the same two parents. You can’t please every one. However, you can meet each one on their level.

Four: It’s ok to say no. One of the most important words I ever learned has only two letters. There were times when I second-guessed myself after saying no. But, I now know that saying yes would have most likely led to some horrible consequences.

Five: Create traditions. Whether it’s Thanksgiving pies, birthday gummy worms, or mystery meat Mondays. Do something that is unique to your family. Things you and your kids will cherish forever.

Six: You will be ok. I spent so much time worrying about failing as a mother. Was I too strict? Not strict enough? Will my kids like me? There is no secret formula to having perfect kids or being the perfect mother. It will never happen. We are not perfect. We never will be.

Seven: You will have a broken heart. Heartbreak comes in many forms, from trivial to traumatic. Whether it’s the fact that your newborn doesn’t have bouncy curls like your favorite actor’s kid. Or, your toddler insists on biting every other kid in his/her preschool class. Your school age child refuses to be quiet in the library. Or your middle schooler frequently disrespects you and/or the teacher. Your son/daughter drops out of high school. Or, your adult child chooses a destructive path that leads to permanent consequences, and they somehow manage to blame you. Heartbreak usually comes when you least expect it, but it always serves to make you stronger. What may seem trivial to others can feel quite traumatic to you. Don’t hide your face in the sand. Seek to understand and work through the heartbreak.

As much as I would like to think I would follow my own advice, the truth is, experience is the best teacher. We are all striving to just be. With God’s help, we have made it to this moment in time. I love my children and I know they love me. We are healthy. Happy. We have memories. We laugh. We take time for ourselves, but we try to spend a lot of time together. We meet each other where we are. We say no. We have traditions. We are ok. We have broken hearts. But, through it all, God keeps us. So, in actuality, I only need to tell myself to trust in Him. He will handle the rest.