I have a confession to make. I am a Control-Freak. It pains me to say that, sometimes, it is hard to control this, well, need to control. I have had an amazing day. A productive day, filled to the brim with work of some sort. Kingdom building, home building, very few minutes were wasted with frivolous activity. I even made it back to Jazzercise this morning, after a far too long hiatus. However, the result of today’s activity, was a very tired me. So much so that around 8:30 pm I felt as though I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Somewhere around 9:30, after a rushed late dinner of Roasted Chicken and broccoli, I am certain I fell asleep. Now mind you, before falling into a restful slumber, I had a discussion in my mind about whether or not I would submit to my keyboard to secure an entry for this day. The sleep won. Or so I thought. I suddenly awaken to find that not only have I fallen asleep with my eyes still on, (I’ve been wearing glasses since I was 11), but it is now 11:45. You see, on top of being a Control-Freak, I’m also a Clock Watcher. This at times causes me to have to know the exact time I go to sleep, or awaken for that matter. How this information will help me is still a mystery, but it’s what I do. Anyway, the battle began. The battle that wages in my mind almost constantly. Do I or don’t I? Will I or won’t I? Do I get up and write, just for the sake of an entry, even though my mind is blank or do I go back to sleep and deal with the consequence of fatigue? You guessed it, fatigue lost.
So here I am baring my soul just because I couldn’t deal with the idea of missing a sequential moment in time. This pressure that I place on myself is not all bad. I have come to realize that it causes me to do great things sometimes. If I can harness this, anomaly of mine, I am certain to be of use to someone, right? Perhaps that is why God gently interrupted my sleep. Could it be that He wants me to power through with this same gusto when it comes to matters concerning His glory? Is it that I am to approach service to others with the same fervor as I do when there is something I want to get done for myself? I see it now. The same sense of urgency that caused me to suddenly find myself upright in bed and feeling around for my glasses and laptop, is the same urgency I must remember the next time He tells me to do something I find myself either too afraid or too lazy to do. Got it. I hear you God. Thank you for checking me.
Now, can I fall right back to sleep? Ah, that is the question.
apeaceofmine 